Both dead to the world
If only my brain would cease to function
Like theirs does
On call, sleep.
Worry gnaws my inside
And crawls into my brain
Like a –
Slug in slow motion.
But sleep comes to them so easy
Like their brains never functioned
And their hearts never felt.
It must be nice to never know a slug.
I thought childhood would last forever
But it does so only in memory.
It hit me in hindsight of sex and love,
With thoughts of the death allotted to me.
My childhood friend lost her life today.
She was one I shared innocence with
And a time that had nothing to do
With loss, determination or grit.
I thought then butterflies flew forever.
Animals were never shot down for fun.
I’ve grown up now and seen prejudice kill
And blinded hatred win life’s distance run.
Things are no longer coloured for me.
They’ve all turned a hazy shade of grey.
If only I could bring assurance back,
Or have a modicum of childhood stay.
When we were young and when we loved,
I believed it all to be true,
And maybe you believed it, too.
When you left and when you promised,
Fidelity was not deceit,
Spanning oceans seemed no great feat.
But society had concerns,
Ambition had its own power,
Love became matter of past’s hour.
If I could say something to you,
Following two and twenty years,
I still could not without these tears.
I’m too old to call this weakness,
I guess I loved and much too well,
It was just tragic you couldn’t tell.